Priceless Treasures

I neglected to say my absolutely favorite thing about New Orleans in my last post. And that is: That's where my home is, where my family lives together.

Kid Date Night

When I was a single parent, I really missed having individual time with my kids. I started thinking how I really wanted to be able to have a time with each of them alone. And now that there are two parents in the house, we are able to do that.

We've designated Tuesday nights, because that is what works for us. And surprisingly we have been able to do this at very low cost (mostly free).

The first week Greyson and I took a picnic dinner to City Park and ate on an island. Then I took him to KMart to spend a $5 giftcard he had that he was dying to use. He also took $1.50 that he had gotten from the Toothfairy. He spent $5.74 at the register and then bought a $.25 gumball at the machine and a $.50 necklace from the same machine. Yep, he walked out with a penny in his pocket! And for me it was so much better than trying to go with 2 kids into the toy aisles! That night Alex took Grant swimming at a rooftop pool at a hotel. Yep, both my kids thought dad was the best date.

The second week Grant and I made cheese quesadillas (his favorite) and then got out a cookie baking set he had gotten for his birthday (last year). While the sugar cookie dough was chilling we took a trip to Whole Foods for toppings (total spent $10). I admit, because of time and homework constraints, I did most of the work. That night Greyson and Alex went to a friends house for a cooking lesson.

This week was our 3rd Kid Date Night and Greyson and I rode our bikes to City Park to again have a picnic on "our" island. I was a little worried about the sun setting, so we rode right back after dinner and then played a couple rounds of Mancala. Alex took Grant geo caching and Grant came home with pockets filled with feathers and an army figure's leg. Yep, priceless treasures!

 

Things I like about New Orleans

Wow, I am overwhelmed by the responses on my last post. I received so much support, both publicly and privately. I really appreciate it - I have the best friends!

I think I do need to let you know the things I do like about New Orleans!
#1 City Park
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE City Park! City Park is about a mile from our house. I jog there just about every morning. It's filled with ponds & lagoons and trees - the perfect combination for those from the Great Lakes State! The Sculpture Garden is free and the Museum of Art is free every Wednesday. There is an amusement park (it's no Cedar Point, more like a fairground) and we bought a season pass that paid for itself by the second visit. Sometimes I take the kids just to run around to get energy out. City Park is by far my most favorite place in New Orleans.

#2 The Streetcars
The first time we came to visit, I found riding the streetcars with the kids was one of the cheapest forms of entertainment! Even though it's transportation, you feel like it's a piece of history and culture. The Canal Streetcar is just down the street from us and when taken from one end to the other you end up at the Aquarium which is also at the tail end of the French Quarter.

#3 The People
I know, I complain all the time how rude people are here. And most times they are, but there are also friendly people. The introvert in me was seriously freaked out the first time I went for a jog and EVERONE I passed said, "Hi!" And it's not just jogging, everyone you pass everywhere has a greeting. 

So while my heart belongs to another city, I'll keep looking for things I can love about this one!

Life as I know it

So much to write about!
After the last post we experienced our first "hurrication." Sunday night we received notice that school was cancelled for Monday and Tuesday so families could make emergency plans. Knowing that if the hurricane actually hit New Orleans school was also going to be cancelled at least for Wednesday and Thursday, I decided to take a little vacation to my parent's house in Ohio. And it was a nice vacation, going to the beach and winery!

And then we came back. Honestly, I've been having a difficult time since the kids went back to school. And I feel guilty. I know so many people have been rooting for us to be together as a family again, and that's what I wanted too, but now that I have what I wanted, I'm not happy.

I feel like the last 3 years of my life have left me so scarred. My husband lost his job, left us to work out of town, I became a single parent, I lost the job I loved, it took me forever to find a new one that did not have the benefits of the previous one. And now here I am, in a new city 1,000 miles away from everything that was familiar, with no job and a drained bank account. And this is what I wanted.

And being a month into a job search has again left me demoralized. I keep having flashbacks of the last time I applied for a job every day for 6 months to have 5 interviews that lead to one job offer for 1/3 less pay and 3/4 less vacation time and 1/2 the sick time and no work at home option like I previously had. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely grateful to have that job especially when I wasn't eligible for unemployment (religious organizations are exempt from participating) and I met the most wonderful people that I have pretty much known in my adult life, but it wasn't what I was used to.

Here I am again, 13 resumes in the last month and one call back saying they had a hiring freeze, but no other word. Ugh, job searches when you actually need a job are the worst. And to make it worse, recently when my husband and I were meeting people he was asked what he did for a job, but no one asked me. My husband's response when I commented on it to him, "But you don't work anyway." First of all, how does anyone know that without asking? Second, how does that make the rest of my life less valuable?

So I find myself questioning my value. Because getting a Master's degree when you're 22 doesn't mean the same thing when your 37 and either over-qualified or under-qualified for everything available. Being "just a mom" isn't very fun after you drop fighting, complaining kids off at school and then go home to deal with the socks other people left on the floor.

And through it all I feel guilty. If this was anyone else I would tell them to look on the positive side. We are all together again, everyone is healthy, and while there isn't anything left after the bills are paid, we ARE paying the bills. And even though we will have a credit card balance for the first time in the last 8 years, we have NO other debt. But telling yourself to be positive doesn't always end in you being positive.

I want to be alright with the way things are but I also want to change things, without being dissatisfied until the change happens.

In the last couple of years I've come to realize that life is like a river. It's always flowing and changing. Sometimes the weather is calm and sunny and you can just float along enjoying the scenery. Sometimes it's rough and fast moving and it's all you can do to hang on. Sometimes you get hung up in obstacles, like downed trees in your path. Sometimes you have to backtrack and go back to the fork and take a different direction. Sometimes you meet up with a larger body of water. But whatever the path, you never stand still. Today is one of the days when I'm banking on change. I don't want to stay in this part of the river. But I also know I can't enjoy the ride without being grateful to all the experiences that have brought me to this point and will take me to a further point. I'm looking forward to the days when I can just float along, but until then I am thankful for the journey.

Just another manic Monday

I was all prepared to write a post about how after my yucky Tuesday they kids were perfectly pleasant on Wednesday morning, pretty good at the art museum we went to after school and did their homework with a minimum of complaints! And the rest of the week followed suit....until Monday.

I received a phone call Monday afternoon from Grant's PE teacher. He had found a piece of glass on the playground and stabbed a girl. Oh My Goodness. Of course they took this "very seriously" and he received what they call a "community violation" which also entails a call home. The girl was okay and her injuries sounded more like a scratch which drew a little blood.

When I first picked Grant up he denied that he had done anything and claimed everyone had lied. "Even though you wrote on the community violation form what you did?" "They forced me to write that!" "Well, if you didn't do this, then they are falsely accusing you and we need to go back in and clear this up." "Fine, I did it."

Later at home he claimed that after he found the glass in a crack in the sidewalk the girl told him to poke her. I told him that I didn't believe that because people don't ask to be hurt BUT even if it was true you can't listen to other people when they tell you to do something wrong, you have to make your own decisions.

A little while later I received a call from Grant's teacher and she said, "I was shocked when they told me Grant had done that. He is not malicious at all." I told her I don't think he really comprehended what would happen if he poked someone with glass and he had told me the girl told him to do it, but I told him I didn't believe him. She said, "Knowing this girl, it's not entirely unlikely that she did tell him to do it." I felt better after talking to her...but still! Oh what I would give for a week without school drama!

I also sent Greyson's teacher an e-mail because Greyson had told me he was reading Amelia Bedelia books for reading time. This kid had been one of the top readers in his class and I was wondering why now he was reading below grade level. The teacher explained that although Greyson's fluency was at grade level, his comprehension - especially when he had to write about what he read - was not. I know this about my kid, that he has trouble putting ideas into writing. But in Michigan his comprehension was still scored at grade level. I know, I went back and looked at his report card and and MEAP results. But apparently at this school, he's not up to level.

I do have to say that overall I think my kids are getting a higher quality education. More is expected of them and they are spending 6 more hours a week at school verses what they spent in Michigan. And the teachers are so dedicated. They are working longer hours for less pay AND I am getting contacted after the school day is done.

Someday I'd like to write about more than what my kids are doing at school. But for now, that is where all the drama is in our lives!

When your kids give you lemons in the morning....

Most of you have already seen this morning's Facebook post:
Why yes, it is time for a mocktail and a bubble bath. By 8:45 I had already jogged for 45 minutes, got the kids up & dressed, made breakfast & lunches, swore at my oldest on the drive to school after telling him politely at least 3 times to change his negative attitude and then told my 6 year old to sell his sob story somewhere else because I wasn't buying it, at school drop off.

It's one of those days when you wonder, "How did this get to be my life???"

Okay to back up and give you an update on the whole school situation: the rest of the week continued along the same vein as the first two days. After getting a call from Grant's teacher on Tuesday, I received a call from Greyson's on Friday. "I gather Greyson isn't used to the structure that we have at this school. I've had to remind him several times in class to sit up and other times to follow the speaker with his eyes." Yes, both my kid's teachers are reporting that they were never made to sit up in class before. Another sigh. I did let him know that Greyson was frustrated that math was a review right now and that he was looking forward to moving ahead. Also, Greyson was frustrated by the homework which involved writing paragraphs about the school values. "I've noticed that all the new students are struggling with the homework, while returning students seem to know what to expect." Uh huh.
On Thursday Grant started bawling, not just crying but bawling, when I dropped him off at school. That day the teacher was at the door and said, "Don't worry, he's always fine withing 10 minutes." Then on Friday when it happened again he told me, "I always get left behind in the cafeteria when it is time to go to our room." I was pretty sure "always" was an exaggeration. So on Monday when it looked like there would be eminent tears and the same declaration came forth I told him I would e-mail his teacher and found out that, yes he did get grouped with another class once but now tables have been assigned for a smoother transition. So, this morning when the tears started, I'd pretty much had it with the over-dramatics and told him to "You got left behind once and now you have an assigned table and know what to do. Sell your sob story somewhere else, because I'm not buying it." Oh dear, now I feel like a horrible person. Add on to that that I swore at Greyson after telling him he was not allowed to say, "I hate school," "The only good thing about school is getting out of it," "The thing I'm looking forward to most is the day being done."
You know what? I tried hard to be patient with both my kids, but that's enough. You are not always going to like school. You are not always going to like your job. But until an alternative comes along, you do NOT have the right to make those in your path miserable. Buck up and find something positive about your day. Then I decided to take my own advice and make a mocktail, draw a bath and pull out a good book....

Here's hoping you get the time to do something for yourself today!

Second day of school

Wow, I am grateful for all the support I received on "The First Day of School!" I was feeling guilty for complaining about "public" school.
I do need to clarify a few things. I don't have any problems with the school. Personally, all the contacts I've had with the school have been positive. I just wish my kids could see beyond the uniforms and discipline policy.
Yesterday, the 2nd day of school, when I picked my kids up I asked them to tell me 2 things they liked about school. Greyson answered, "Lunch and recess." Which is a typical response for him, but he was greatly disappointed on the first day when they spent the first part of recess reciting the school values before they could play. So YEA! for more playtime on day 2! Grant answered PAT and recess.
Then just before dinner I got a call from Grant's teacher. "Grant seems really tense. Is there anything making him nervous beyond being at a new school?" I answered that Grant always took a while to warm up to new situations and that everything was new about this school. "Grant is a good kid, but I can tell our rules are different than what he is used to. He had to stay inside for the beginning of recess because he had trouble following rules at carpet time." This was nothing new, both my boys have A LOT of energy that does not mesh well with sitting in school. Sigh.
So overall, the 2nd day went better and today is school tee shirt day and I'm hoping for more good reports from my kids!

To leave this on a funnier note, on the first day I asked Grant if he told anyone he was from Michigan. "Yeah, the kid sitting next to me talked to me in Spanish. I said, 'I don't speak Spanish, I speak what Michigan speaks.'" Well, that's my little Michigander!

The First Day of School

Yesterday was a big day for us. The one-month anniversary of the boys and I moving to New Orleans AND the first day of school!
I guess I should start by saying the schools in New Orleans are notorious.  Most of the public schools have been taken over by charter schools. And the charter schools have a lottery process, some with testing, that happens in the spring. So moving here in July, we were short on choices. When I first started calling around, no one answered since school was out for the summer. When I finally did start getting a hold of schools we got the "no vacancies" message. Finally I found a school and it is not too far away. But of course, if it was a school that still had openings it wasn't a "first choice" with other parents.
After I went to the parent orientation night I could tell that this was an inter-city school with a big focus on discipline and "preparing all of our students to attend a college-preparatory high school, graduate from a selective college, and contribute positively to their community." It was definitely going to be a change.
And the first visible change was that we needed to go uniform shopping! Uniforms were a totally new concept for my kids! And the strictness of them got me, "all black shoes, including the soles."
Finally the first day of school arrived.

After counting down the days until they started - I was actually nervous for them!
And then, I was heartbroken when they both got in the car after school and said, "We like our old school better!" I learned that Grant had eaten NOTHING at lunch, despite packing a lunch of his favorites. Greyson told me they just talked about discipline and values all day, which he thought was unfair.
Grant did tell me he liked that they have PAT time which was picking your own activity, but Greyson said the only thing good about school was coming home.
Greyson also said to me, "I'm the only white kid in my class, everyone else is brown. In the other 4th grade there is a white girl, but she was home schooled and has no idea what school is." All I said was, "Oh, really?" I guess I want Greyson to make up his own mind about what that all means.
So this morning as I woke up the boys I was greeted with cries of, "We don't want to go back there!" Well, you don't really have a choice. I want to help my kids see the opportunities and good experiences, but I'm not sure myself what those are right now.